Monday, May 14, 2012
Retro review: What if? Vol 2 #42
This little What if branches off when Spider-man had his six arms. In this universe Morbius is killed by sharks (apparently jumping into the ocean covered in the blood of a fresh kill didn't work out well for him) before he ever attacked six armed Spider-man so he never bites Spidey thus curing him of having six arms. Because Vampire bites do that for some reason. So Spidey is stuck with his extra arms.
Well Peters not happy about this so he goes to see Professor X hoping he can help. He cant. Poor Spidey is like "You mean I'm stuck being some kinda....cripple?!" Then he apologizes to Professor X for using the word cripple around somebody in a wheelchair. That's like the n-word to them I guess. He also goes to the Fantastic Four for help. Despite all the crazy tech in the Marvel universe it seems nobody knows how to get rid of Spidey's arms. He gives him gloves that can render his extra arms invisible. Because that's apparently easier or something.
Basically at the end Spidey just keeps his arms and kinda gives up being Peter more or less and focuses just on being Spider-man. And at the end hes an inspiration for cripples.... oh wait I'm sorry Handicapped people all over the world. Awwww. It was like a damn after school special. I'm surprised it didn't tell me to not do drugs and stay in school while it was at it. But here's the biggest problem with it. How in the hell is having six arms like being crippled? Its actually like the exact fucking opposite of being handicapped. Your actually more physically able with six arms. The rest of us with only two arms are handicapped compared to you. OK I get having six arms would probably make you something of a freak and social outcast. But that not what this issue was saying. Spidey wasn't an inspiration to freaks and outcasts at the end, he was and inspiration to the handicapped. That doesn't make any damn sense. Its like Reed Richards being an inspiration to the retarded. Its like Giant Man being an inspiration to midgets. And one other thing. I'm still confused as to why Spidey couldn't get rid of his arms. I mean couldn't he just cut the fuckers off? Surely the brilliant Reed Richards or even Doctor Conners could handle an amputation.
I give this book a grade of Meh!