Tuesday, May 29, 2012

What Mitt Romney SHOULD say.



Nobody is ever going to accuse me of being a Romney fan. I'm a Ron Paul man. With any other candidate out there we get more war, more spending, more big brother and eventual collapse. So in a contest between Romney and Obama I don't really have a dog in that fight. I suppose Romney is a little bit more harmless then Obama, but only by a tiny bit, or as my grandfather would say, a gnat's ass.

But I can't let all the bullshit class warfare by the Democrats go unanswered. Right now the left has their collective panties in a knot over Mitt's car elevator. You would think the man took a piss into a homeless guy's begging cup. Mitt Romney bought an expensive product with his own money, thus providing further employment to the people who make, sell, and install said product. That son of a bitch.

And the worst part is that Mitt actually goes along with this class warfare bullshit. Every fucking time I see him now he's apologizing for being rich and pretending like he gives a shit about NASCAR and wrestling and other stuff poor people love. So if the Romney campaign were to ask me for advise (which is an admittedly unlikely scenario) I would tell them that Mitt should hold a press conference, say the following and then take no questions and walk off the stage. Bonus points if you smoke a cigar while you do that. Oh wait your a Mormon I don't think your crazy religion lets you do that. Well at least dress like a pimp or something. OK I'm getting sidetracked. Here's what you should say Mitt:

Alright people listen up. I'm rich as fuck. Yeah you heard me. And I'm tired of acting like I should feel bad about it. I earned my money so kiss my white bread ass. Yeah I know my Dad was rich and gave me opportunities not everybody had, but I could have been a spoiled trust fund douche bag and squandered those opportunities. I didn't. I made the most of what I was given and now I sleep on a pile of money. Yeah maybe I had more opportunities then you and that's not fair. So what? Life's not fucking fair. You were born in America when someone else was born in fucking Africa or Bangladesh or some other shit hole. Maybe instead of crying like a little girl with a skinned knee you should be busy making the most of what you have. So in conclusion if you don't like me, feel free to suck my Mormon dick.

You say that Mitt and you got my vote.

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