Friday, June 29, 2012

Woman arrested for holding up a sign.

As yes, land of the free indeed. This woman spent 12 hours in jail for holding up a sign on a public sidewalk. What terrible thing could her sign say to get such a reaction? "Speed trap!" Yes you see this young lady was a decent human being who was taking time from her day to try and help people not get robbed by the badge gang. The Houston pigs of course didn't like this so one of them illegally searched her backpack, threatened to charge her with obstructing justice, and finally charged her with standing in the road rather then the sidewalk, which I'm sure was a fucking lie.

Now in case any of you readers are still stupid enough to think cops are the good guys, let me ask you this: if the point of traffic cops is public safety and not just making money for the government, then how was this woman hindering that? Her sign, after all, most likely got people to slow down. But see that's the point, its not the job of traffic cops to worry about public safety, it's the job of these pigs to make money for big brother.

People ask me "If you hate cops so much who are you gonna call at 2AM when somebody's breaking in your front door?" To which I always say "The rate this country is going, if someone is breaking down my door at 2AM it probably WILL be the cops."

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Supreme Court wipes their asses with constitution.

What do you say? What's to be said? How am I supposed to write about this shit? The Supreme Court upheld ObamaCare. A friend of mine recently complained that I don't do enough news and politics here. When shit like this is happening you can see why I would rather talk about Spider-man and Sonic the Hedgehog. See that asshole above with his big stupid fucking grin? That's John Roberts, the swing vote that said Obamacare is constitutional. They said it is constitutional to make you buy health insurance. The government can make you buy a product. And this isn't like auto insurance. That you buy for the privilege of using the public roads. This they are making you buy for the privilege of existing.

You know how they justified this bullshit? They called it a tax. A tax, that you apparently pay to the insurance companies. The insurance companies that are largely owned by the big six mega banks. In case you need any more proof who owns our government.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Amazing Spider-man and the Dark Knight Rises, kinda hard to care.

Over at The Null Zone Cameron posted an interesting article about how uninterested he is with this summer of movies. I'm not sure I share the same level of apathy. There have been a some damn good movies this summer. Avengers was fucking incredible and I loved Brave a lot too. But there are two movies coming out that I as a comic book nerd should be excited for and both leave me cold.

The Dark Knight Rises and The Amazing Spider-man. Everyone seems all amped for these. Honestly I'm more excited about the new Seth MacFarlane movie Ted then either one of these.

Will I see DKR and Amazing? Of course. Shit, I'll probably see both opening weekend. But there is just such a feeling of been there done that. I mean I just saw a mother fucking Avengers movie. A fucking great Avengers movie at that. If you would have told me even 5 years ago there would be an Avengers movie, let alone one done so well, I would have never fucking believed you. To go from that to Spider-man or Batman AGAIN just seems like a let down.

Like I said, I'll go see both these movies, and they'll probably both be damn good movies. But it's just hard to get that excited about seeing the seventh Batman movie of my lifetime. 

Boy Scouts still fighting over gays.

Looks like there's still in fighting in the Boy Scouts over whether or not to let gays in. I was confused when I first heard about this controversy years ago, I thought everyone in the Boy Scouts was gay. I mean when you wear a neckerchief and inappropriately short shorts then go spend the weekend in the woods with a bunch of other dudes, what the fuck am I suppose to think? 

Review of the week: Spider-men #2

Well this issue has picked up from the last one. Peter Parker, now trapped in the Ultimate universe, has encountered Miles Morales, the Ultimate universe's current Spider-man and they have the obligatory super hero misunderstanding fight. This book, as with any Bendis book, is heavy with dialogue, but rather then stand around and talk our heroes talk while having a pretty cool fight. The fight scene does a good job of showcasing the difference both in powers and fighting style of our two Spider-men. After the fight Peter is interviewed by Ultimate Nick Fury. You could argue that Fury accepts his story of being an alternate universe Peter too quickly but to be fair this isn't the first time Fury has come across this sorta thing. He spend some time actually living in the Supreme Power universe and of course there was the whole near disaster crossover the Ultimate Fantastic Four had with the Marvel Zombies universe which I'm sure Fury is aware of so I guess it's old hat to Fury at this point.

This series is shapping up to be pretty cool and if your not reading it your missing out.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Top 5 comic crossovers I want to see.

I'm a sucker for comic book crossovers. I'll even buy stupid ass ones like Star Trek/X-men. We're not seeing as many inter-company crossovers these days as we used to. I don't think Marvel and DC have done any with each other since JLA/Avengers. But there have been a couple recent ones like Star Trek/ Legion of Super Heroes, and Red Sonja/Witchblade is out now. So maybe there will be a bit of a comeback for the crossover. Either way here are the top 5 comic book crossovers I want to see.

5) Luke Cage/Black Lightning. I have a soft spot for the old 70's era blacksploitation movies and of course the classic blacksploitation super heroes of the time. So I would love to see a Luke Cage/Black Lightning done in a humorous way as an homage to that era. And I mean seriously humorous, like a lost skit from Chappelle's Show.  Do it in Max or Vertigo line to really go nuts.

4) Ghost Rider/Hellraiser. This might sound like an odd choice but what can I say, I'm a big Marvel fan and a big Hellraiser fan. Yeah I freely admit a lot of the Hellraiser movies sucked. But the concept behind Hellraiser, the mythos behind it, and the book it was originally based on, The Hellbound Heart, were all brilliant. So imagine a story where Mephisto convinces Jonny Blaze the Hellraiser box can end his Ghost Rider curse. Solving the puzzle summons the Cenobites. From there it writes itself.

3) Aliens and/or Predator vs various Marvel characters. DC has done a lot of crossovers with Aliens and Predators and they have all been pretty decent reads. I'd love to see Predators go after various street level Marvel characters like Spider-man, Daredevil, or Punisher. Or how about a story where the Future Foundation (Spider-man, Thing, Mr Fantastic, and Invisible Woman) answer a distress call from a big ass space ship that's wandered into our solar system. When they get on board its full of fucking Aliens.

2) Sonic the hedgehog/Mega Man. As I said in an earlier post, I love what Archie has done over the years with it's Sonic the Hedgehog series. It's probably the best all ages book on the racks today. I only read the first trade paper back of the new Archie Mega Man series but it's pretty solid as well. It seems like doing a crossover is a no brainer. According to Archie they are waiting for approval from Sega and Capcom for this. If either company says no they are fucking stupid.

1) JSA/Invaders. Again this seems like a no brainer to me. Imagine if Hitler from DC opens up a dimensional portal to Marvel and combines forces with that Hitler and the JSA and Invaders must team up to stop him. That would be fucking awesome. Sadly due to the shitty state DC and it's characters are in right now this seems even less likely then my Ghost Rider vs Pinhead idea. 

Monday, June 25, 2012

Retro Review: Superman #405

Superman #405, The Mystery of the Super-Batman. Somebody was high. Seriously, I don't know whether it was the writer or editor but somebody was fucking high.

Alright so the story here is that Lana Lang and Clark Kent are at a museum and one of the exhibits is a magical pan flute that Lana picks up and plays that gives Clark a terrible headache and when he goes to the his hotel room to collect himself he sees he's grown horns. Don't most museums frown on people touching the exhibits, let alone putting their mouths on them? Anyway Clark flies to his Fortress of Solitude to sort this out. Eventually he has to leave the Fortress and go do Superman stuff, but he doesn't want everyone to see his horns, he'll look fucking ridiculous. So he goes into the Batman exhibit in his fortress (can you say creepy man crush?) and decides he should go out looking like this:

Because after all, he doesn't want to look fucking stupid. Why? No seriously, why Kent? How is this better? Why not just dress like Batman? Why this? Oh and if you only need the cape and cowl to hide your horns why also put on the gloves? Eventually a police man gives voice to the readers confusion

Cop: Thanks, er.....S-Superman?
Superman's thought bubble: He's confused, but at least he can't see the horns I've grown on my head!

Yes, far better he think you've lost your fucking mind than see you with horns Clark. Eventually Superman finds the pan flute, which has now somehow ended up in the hands of a group of criminals, he plays it and reverses the spell. And for the first time ever, Batman was actually creeped the fuck out.

I know it's the DC universe and it's full of all sorts of crazy shit. In a world with super heroes, wizards, vampires, cyborgs, robots, aliens, Greek gods, and all sorts of other crazy bullshit running around a magic pan flute that makes people grow horns doesn't seem very far fetched. I bet you could go to any garage sale in the DCU and find something like that. But nothing Superman does in response to this dilemma makes any fucking sense.

All this issue did was confirm that Clark is secretly in love with Bruce.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

The top 10 Nazi Super Villains

Nazis are fucking cool. Hmmm maybe I should rephrase that. They make awesome super villains. Why is that though? Its not as if Hitler and the Nazis were the only evil people in history. Its probably because Nazi's were the perfect mix of evil and crazy. Hell bent on making a brave new world no matter what the cost, Nazi's actually sought out super weapons both of far fetched science and ancient mystical legends. They actually were searching for the holy grail, they actually had people trying to make a weather machine. Time travel, contacting aliens, summoning Thor, that was all bullshit Nazis had people working on. I often wondered if some of these people weren't true believers but just scamming the Nazis for money. Think about it, if you could convince some high ranking Nazi that there was a monkey god statue in the amazon that gave its owner monkey god powers they just might give you a wheel barrel full of Nazi gold to go find it. Enough to spend the rest of your life on a beach in Brazil, occasionally writing letters about how some asshole archaeologist in a fedora keeps thwarting you progress, then asking them to please send more gold. Nazis were real life crazy ass super villains. Combine that with the fact that the super hero genre came into being around World War II and it's only natural that comic book creators would create shit loads of Nazi super villains. Here are my top 10. This is a not a definitive top 10 of the most important or whatever, just the 10 I like the most. Don't like it make your own damn list.

10) The JLAxis. This is the Justice League on an alternate earth (Earth-10 to be exact) where the Nazi party rules the world. There really isn't much here. Basically they just appeared a little bit in the train wreck of a series Countdown and like most of the interesting plot lines in that series they were almost immediately forgotten about. Also I don't like Nazi-Superman's character design. The Swastika is off center in his chest embalm. Why? Is that suppose to symbolize something because it's just visually off putting to me. But its still a mother fucking Nazi JLA so that alone earns them a spot on this list.

9) Baron Zemo. Some of you might be wondering why I put him so low on the list. Well I've just never gotten into him as a character, granted he founded the Masters of Evil (was that the first or second one I forget) but he just always seemed like a pussy version of Red Skull to me. But it's not every man who can look threatening in pink, so that keeps Zemo on the list.

8) Captain Nazi. I freely admit I just think he look cool. He was created as a sort of Nazi-super soldier. He was in suspended animation and awoke in the modern era. Captain Nazi would make a great second in command to a Red Skull type guy. Unfortunately unlike Marvel, DC doesn't have much if any Nazi take over the world types, so Captain Nazi doesn'y really have anyone to follow. He mostly just shows up in groups of villains to fight the JSA.

7) Master Man is basically like DC's Captain Nazi, except Master Man actually has a Nazi master mind to follow, Red Skull. Master Man has a simple but evocative costume, standard Superman like powers (super strength and flight) and the current Master Man was pretty much just Red Skulls enforcer. Again its not the most original thing, but there is something undeniably cool about the idea of a Nazi Superman.

6) U-Man, the Nazi from Atlantis. Why would someone who not only isn't a member of the Aryan race, but isn't even human ally himself with the Nazis? Because Namor used to pick on him as a kid. Hmmm, kinda lame. But still he's a fucking Nazi fish man, that's pretty damn cool.

5) Baron Blood. A Nazi Vampire. If vampires are cool (or at least they were before Twilight) then a Nazi vampire, well that's just bad ass. Actually this character is no where nearly as cool as he should have been. And later characters to use the name have been even worse. But still he's a fucking NAZI VAMPIRE!

4) Warrior Woman. If Master Man is supposed to be the Nazi Superman character then this is clearly like a Nazi Wonder Woman. She's basically a super strong Nazi dominatrix. But really, what more do you need in a character.

3) Swarm. After the war Nazi scientist Fritz von Meyer fled to South America where he was doing some experiments on bees. Next thing you know a mutated swarm of bees ate him and absorbed his consciousness. He became the hive mind of this swarm of bees and took the form of a humanoid swarm of bees which for some reason always carries Meyer's skeleton around with it. I don't know if it needed to but for whatever reason it usually has the skeleton with it. Did I mention this guy is  made of bees? Think about how most people get freaked out if there's like one bee in their house. This guy is fucking made of bees. If you don't know why that's bad ass, then I don't think I can explain it to you.

2) Armin Zola. A Nazi scientist who put his mind into a robot body that has a video screen image of a face on his chest and a web cam he got from Radio Shack for a head. He did this to himself. On purpose. That my friends is a special kind of fucking crazy. Also he likes to make ridiculous genetically modified monsters such as Doughboy, and also accidentally created the super hero Jolt.

1) Red Skull. Was there ever a doubt. Seriously I'm not even going to explain this choice, I don't feel like an explanation is needed. He's the mother fucking Red Skull. Nuff said.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Woman defends herself against TSA.

So recently a woman, sick of being sexually assaulted by the TSA, tried to show a TSA supervisor how an agent was assaulting her and was charged with assault for it. These fucking TSA shit bags are fucking scum and filth. I mean its fucking insane, we're willing to be felt up like a damn drunken prom date to get on a fucking plane? What the hell happened to us? Why is this continuing? Why are there not protests and riots outside airports? We all know these 'protectors' are just a bunch of incompetent perverts who would be otherwise unemployable were it not for the existence of this unconstitutional agency.

Why is this allowed to continue? I used to wonder if America could survive much longer the rate its going, now I wonder if it even should.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Retro Review: Ghost Rider 2099 #7

Ahhh, the 90's, a time when if something worked we hard to stretch it as far as we fucking could until it snapped. Case in point, the 2099 line. If you haven't read Spider-man 2099 it definitely worth your time. While parts of it seem very dated (doesn't that always happen to stories that take place in the future?) it is all and all a pretty damn good read. Spider-man 2099 AKA Miguel O'Hara is similar enough to Peter Parker to be a worthy predecessor while different enough to be his own character. The series doesn't really do anything all that original or groundbreaking, it's basically just Spider-man mixed with Blade Runner, but as with most of Peter David's work it might be the same basic stuff you see everywhere else, but it's just done better. So anyways in the early 90's when Peter David had the idea for Spider-man 2099 and he brought it to Marvel they turned it into a whole fucking line. Among other titles was Ravage 2099 which was created by Stan Lee in his 'embarrassing himself' phase of his legendary career. Also titles like Doom 2099 which had it moments, train wrecks like Hulk 2099 and of course Ghost Rider 2099.

I didn't read any issues of Ghost Rider 2099 until this and all I knew about this character came from a 1994 trading card I used to have. So the background here is that hacker Kenshiro "Zero" Cochrane was shot and right before death his mind was downloaded into a big robot skeleton thingie that looks like the Terminator robot. This robot can make holographic illusions which he uses to look like normal old 'Zero' when not doing his Ghost Rider thing. Also his fire is holographic. It actually sounds like an interesting premise for a character to be fair.

Alright that's enough background let's finally tear into this book. Let's start with the cover. It sucks. Seriously, Spider-man 2099 is the guest star put here, most likely to boost sales, and look at him, hes at an angle where you can barely see any of his costume and part of him is off the page, its like he wants to get away from this book. And it doesn't even look like he's fighting Ghost Rider it looks like he's doing parkour off him. And how the fuck is he holding that web line?

And look at Ghost Rider, again he doesn't look like him and Spider-man are in a fight, all he's doing is stretching his hand out and it looks like he's screaming. It's like he's trying to stop you from buying this shitty book by screaming 'NOOOOOOOO!' in an overly dramatic way. Oh why oh why didn't I listen to you Ghost Rider? Oh that's right, because I make it a habit not to listen to people with nicknames as fucking stupid as Zero.

The interior art is for the most part much better. It's done by Kyle Hotz who has a wonderfully creepy style which fits perfectly for a character like this. Hotz also did the two Carnage one shots from the 90's as well as the Spider-man: The Osborn Journal one shot which are all great reads. I must admit though he doesn't do Spider-man 2099 justice in this. He always looks way too bulky here. The story is that 'Zero' needs to steal something out of Migeul O'Hara AKA Spider-man's lab to cure his girlfriend of some disease she has. This ends up in a fight between Ghost Rider and Spider-man and Ghost Rider gets away. Nothing special. But what's really cringe worthy is the dialogue. Remember how I said parts of Spider-man 2099 seem dated? Well this takes those parts and fucking runs with them. The cyberpunk slang is nauseating. Like he says if he doesn't get this medicine back to his girlfriend 'she's deadware'. Get it? Its like dead but with a ware afterwards like software or hardware. See because this is the future. Well in case you didn't get it he goes on to call people he doesn't like (which is most people because he's so tough and tortured and brooding and other bullshit) 'bithead'. Get it? Did I mention this is the future?

Fuck me. Here it is pretty simply, if your interested in 2099, maybe the recent Spider-man games got you into it, read Spider-man 2099, and you might want to read the first few issues of Doom 2099 as well. But steer clear of anything else with 2099. Unless your just a stupid fucking bithead.

Review of the Week Extra: Astonishing X-men #51

I have rather mixed feeling and complicated views when it comes to gay marriage. On the one hand I am a man of faith and my faith teaches me homosexuality is wrong so I cannot accept or celebrate homosexuality. On the other hand I am a libertarian and politically I'm very live and let live so if a couple of gay dudes want a little piece of paper from the government so they can play house it doesn't upset me at all. Part of living in a free country is people are free to do things I don't approve of. I am free to criticize them for it but they are none the less free to do it anyway. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Of course another issue for me is I am sick of the sheer volume of gay stories crammed down my throat (no pun intended). This is especially true in comics books. And the worst part is the self righteous smugness these creators have like they're really being risky and edgy with this shit. When fucking Archie does it it's no longer edgy.

Now I'm not gonna sit here and write a full review of Astonishing X-men #51 because first of all you can read that a million other places and second of all this book for the most part made very little impression on me. There's really not much to talk about. There is some wedding planning and a main plot line I couldn't even get into enough to fully read. It was all and all pretty fucking boring. But there was one part in this book that really impressed me, just a little two page exchange between characters, but it really struck me and I have to give credit where credit is due.

Warbird, who is a Shi'ar warrior on this team informs Northstar that she does not approve of this and can not attend. Makes sense that the warrior culture isn't a big fan of the fabulous life. Northstar asks he to reconsider but she says that while she respects him a great deal she can not. And that's it. Two people deeply disagreed with each other and are apparently still able to respect each other and function as teammates and even friends. She didn't get all fucking pissy and start screaming that she's "going to stop this faggot shit" and he didn't have a damn hissy fit about how she's 'oppressing' him or how shes a bigot just because she doesn't approve.

Even if only fictional it was nice to see two people disagree on such a contentious issue without hating each other. But maybe that's just me.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Let us never forget.

It was 15 years ago today that our nation suffered one of its greatest tragedies. On June 20th 1997 Batman and Robin was released in theaters. I remember sitting in my local movie theater watching this nightmare unfold. I remember the feeling of helplessness knowing there was nothing I could do to stop it. This movie put a shit stain on Chris O'Donnell's career that he has still never recovered from, it did almost as much damage to the super hero genre as an art form as the work of Rob Liefeld, it was confirmed to be the major motivation for at least 12 suicides and 3 murders, and according to the late televangelist Jerry Falwell it was one of the reasons God allowed 9/11 to happen.

Time has done a lot to dull the pain of that faithful day, but there is still a lot of healing that needs done. That's why I purpose Warner Bros build a memorial to this tragedy. Maybe a statue of Robin in his gay fetish gear with the little rubber nipples and a reflecting pool beside it, so people could ponder how fucking sad this whole thing was and what we as a society can do to see to it this never happens again.

There's nothing any of us can say or do to un-make or un-see this terrible faggoty jizz stain of a movie, but I believe our society can move past this tragedy and hopefully come out better for it. 

Review of the Week: Avengers Academy #32

I think writer Christos Cage deserves a better book then this. He should be on Avengers or New Avengers. I really don't like most of the student characters in Avengers Academy, and I'm particularly annoyed that we have to have a token gay character. Seriously can't I read any comics without a gay dude in it? Homosexuals are like less then 5% of the population and I swear they're in 40% of my comics. Hell even in this weeks Before Watchmen: The Comedian its hinted that Comedian was secretly in love with JFK. That being said when this book is focusing on characters I do give a shit about, like X-23, Giant Man, Tigra, or Justin and his pet Sentinel, the book really shines for me.

In this issue the Emma and her 1/5 of the Phoenix power come to the Academy looking to destroy Justin's Sentinel. By the end the entire Academy, including X-23 stand against her and we end the issue. Doesn't sound like much but thats because we focus a lot on X-23, who starts the issue thinking the Sentinel should be destroyed being moved by Justin's attachment to it. X-23 is probably one of the most interesting characters Marvel has come up with in the last 10 years and this issue demonstrates why.

So if your not reading Avengers Academy you should be. Hop on board for the AvX tie in issues at least. You won't be disappointed.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Vox Day, protecting us all from the dangers of tomboys.

I genuinely like WorldNetDaily columnist and blogger Theodore Beale AKA Vox Day. He's one of three blogs I link to in my Blogs I like link list. I find even when I disagree with him he usually at least challenges me and makes me think. But his latest WorldNetDaily column, in which he rails against the "culturally poisonous" new Pixar movie Brave reads more like a parody of Vox than a column he actually wrote. This part of the column had me almost embarrassed for him:

Since the movie hasn’t come out yet, it’s impossible to say whether the propaganda is as straightforward as the New York Times article makes it look to be, or if it is actually a subversion and the title is a deceptive one masking a story where the strong and brave independent girl learns the error of her ways and the value of tradition.

Holy shit Vox, really? The funny thing is I generally agree with Vox on the idiotic PC way girls and boys are portrayed in the media. Basically every show on Nickelodeon or Disney Channel portrays girls as smarter and wiser then boys and boys as either morons or little High School Musical homos. And I agree with him about how being a mother or wife is maligned by the media, despite those things being backbone of civilization. Of course I also don't think that a woman's sole purpose in life is to be the life support system for a womb. We are not merely animals who exist just to make more of ourselves. And to have this venomous a reaction because Pixar made a cartoon about a redheaded tomboy? Now again I like Vox, but here he has taken a legitimate argument and stretched it until it sounds like the cartoonish negative way the other side would characterize it.

Will I go see Brave? Hell yes, Pixar hasn't let me down yet. And I always have and always will have a soft spot for a stubborn redheaded tomboy. Now if all the boys in this movie are portrayed as bumbling buffoons then I'll be pissed off just like Vox. But I am not in and of itself bothered by a little girl being portrayed as a tough little thing and I'm a little confused as to why anyone would 

Retro Review: Spider-man Unlimited Vol 2 #4

Remember the Spider-man Unlimited cartoon from '99? No? Well your lucky then. The premise of Spider-man Unlimited was that astronaut, and son of J. Jonah Jameson, John Jameson travels to a newly discovered planet, counter-earth. Counter-Earth is a duplicate of Earth on the other side of the sun. Oh, did I mention Carnage and Venom had snuck on board with John for some reason? Why you ask? Oh don't worry about that, Venom and Carnage never have any clear motivation throughout this whole show. Well anyways Spider-man hi-jacks a rocket to go help John. Before doing so he gets a new suit from, I think Reed Richards, made of nanites that has stealth and other powers to help him on his adventure. Basically his suit has symbiot powers minus the whole turning him into an asshole thing. When he gets there he discovers Counter-Earth is run by the High Evolutionary and his race of animal-men called Beastials who oppress normal humans. The show, while it definitely wasn't very good, had some things going for it. I can appreciate that they were trying to do something different and I really like the nanite costume.

Alright so enough background, let's tear into the comic book tie in to this show. Specifically issue 4. Why issue 4? Because it's the only one I could find. So this issue starts out with Peter riding hover bikes to the park with his landlord Naoko and her black son. I can't remember if her son was back in the cartoon or not but he is in this comic. Anyways they get to talking about what is outside Manhattan and Peter decides to explore beyond the city. He ends up in a swamp and is attacked by octopus tentacles (hence the cover) then he wakes up in a bed where he is greeted by an old back guy and a man with an octopus for a head. No it's not C'thulu that would make this comic way to interesting, its just a guy with an octopus for a head. He finds out he is in the hidden city of Harmony where humans and beastials live side by side. He is then told he can't leave because the city's location must be kept a secret. Then while trying to get out he is smuggled out by a blond girl who may or may not be the counter earth version of Gwen Stacy.

Fuck me where to begin, first of all this comic is nothing if not boring. But there's a bigger flaw here, isn't the whole point of Marvel making a comic tie in to one of its cartoons to be a bridge for kids to get them into comics? To turn kids watching cartoons into comic book readers? If so this comic book does a terrible job of that. Lets put aside the issue of whether Spider-man Unlimited was a good enough show to get kids into Spider-man. Spider-man encounters  (maybe) counter earth Gwen Stacy but he never explains to the readers who Gwen Stacy was and why they should care. Also wasn't Spider-man Unlimited supposed to be a continuation of Spider-man: The Animated Series? Gwen Stacy wasn't in that show (except for a brief cameo by an alternate reality Gwen in the Spider-wars episodes). Also we never even say whether this even is counter-earth Gwen. This story goes nowhere, has no point, and certainly wasn't going to get any curious kid hooked onto comics.

Thankfully in recent years Marvel has gotten much better as all ages comics, especially with its Marvel Adventures line. Its debatable how well of a marketing job Marvel does when it comes to actually getting those books to kids but at least the books themselves are well executed.

Monday, June 18, 2012

The new movie Lizard looks familar.

Ahh the Lizard in the Amazing Spider-man movie. Where have we seen that face before?

Oh there it is. Super Mario Bros movie Goombas.

This message brought to you by your Local 707 Goomba Union.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Ninja Turtles' love of cosplay.

I loved the Ninja Turtles as a kid. Fucking loved them, I had almost every one of the toys they made from 1988-1992. They were great highly detailed toys. But in 1989 a trend was started that proved to be as persistent as it was inexplicable: bizarre TMNT cosplay. It started with this:

OK now Don in his trench coat, fedora, and while not shown here, he also came with a mask, made sense. This is how the turtles would attempt to blend in when they had to go out in public. I suppose an argument could be made for Samurai Leo and Surfer Mike making some sense, but Space Cadet Raph is totally out of left field. I don't know what the thinking was here, I suppose it was easier to come up with stupid costumes instead of new characters but its not like they ever seemed to have a shortage of characters either. I think at one point we had a mutant camel named camel Sandstorm. Well, whatever the reason they fucking ran this theme into the ground. We had such nonsense as

Leo joining a hockey team that apparently uses cheese danishes instead of hockey pucks.

Michelangelo briefly working as a Flava Flav impersonator.
Donatello had a short career as a fireman themed male stripper under the name of Hose 'Em Down Don.
Leo had a briefly replaced the Police man in the Village People.
And Raph became the lead singer of a Poison cover band called Harmful If Swallowed.

After a while the Turtles ended up facing federal charges for impersonating military personnel. The charges ended up being dropped as the judge ruled only a moron shouldn't have been able to see through their disguises. This brush with the law however didn't deter the Turtle's lust for cosplay.

After going out in public like this however, April and Splinter finally had to stage and intervention. Even Shredder was there as he was tired of getting his ass beat by someone dressed like that.

It's unclear what ended up happening to Don and Leo over the years, but Mike and Raph were last seen competing on Celebrity Fit Club last year. The years had not been good to them:

Friday, June 15, 2012

More evidence that DC shot itself in the foot.

Well, to be exact, DC handed Jim Lee a gun, and he shot DC in the foot with it, given he seems to be the major creative force behind this mess. And I use the term creative loosely. I was at a comic book store in Baltimore today looking around, and I overheard a girl, probably mid 20's, asking the guy at the counter if he had a Harley Quinn statue she was looking for. He explained that he didn't and he will try to get her one if she wants but no promises. She went on to talk about how she used to read comics and for budget reasons fell out a couple years ago and was looking to get back in. She also could not shut up about how much she loved Harley Quinn and was dying to find that statue. She asked if DC would make more and he told her he doubted it because of their reboot.  He then showed her the new Harley Quinn. She said "Oh that looks like her in the Arkham games, I don't like that design" Trying to hide the disgust in her voice. The more the clerk explained about the reboot, and he was trying to sell her on it mind you, the more disappointed she sounded and appeared. She then went on to explain how she liked Quinn's original non whore look. "The innocent look made her seem even more crazy" she said. Now Quinn, and again I'm quoting here "Looked like she should be working at Hot Topic".

This woman is the very 'new reader' that this whole fucking abortion of a reboot was designed to bring in. Mission accomplished huh DC? Take a good look, Jim Lee turned this:

Into this:

Go fuck yourself Jim.