Thursday, June 21, 2012

Retro Review: Ghost Rider 2099 #7


Ahhh, the 90's, a time when if something worked we hard to stretch it as far as we fucking could until it snapped. Case in point, the 2099 line. If you haven't read Spider-man 2099 it definitely worth your time. While parts of it seem very dated (doesn't that always happen to stories that take place in the future?) it is all and all a pretty damn good read. Spider-man 2099 AKA Miguel O'Hara is similar enough to Peter Parker to be a worthy predecessor while different enough to be his own character. The series doesn't really do anything all that original or groundbreaking, it's basically just Spider-man mixed with Blade Runner, but as with most of Peter David's work it might be the same basic stuff you see everywhere else, but it's just done better. So anyways in the early 90's when Peter David had the idea for Spider-man 2099 and he brought it to Marvel they turned it into a whole fucking line. Among other titles was Ravage 2099 which was created by Stan Lee in his 'embarrassing himself' phase of his legendary career. Also titles like Doom 2099 which had it moments, train wrecks like Hulk 2099 and of course Ghost Rider 2099.

I didn't read any issues of Ghost Rider 2099 until this and all I knew about this character came from a 1994 trading card I used to have. So the background here is that hacker Kenshiro "Zero" Cochrane was shot and right before death his mind was downloaded into a big robot skeleton thingie that looks like the Terminator robot. This robot can make holographic illusions which he uses to look like normal old 'Zero' when not doing his Ghost Rider thing. Also his fire is holographic. It actually sounds like an interesting premise for a character to be fair.

Alright that's enough background let's finally tear into this book. Let's start with the cover. It sucks. Seriously, Spider-man 2099 is the guest star put here, most likely to boost sales, and look at him, hes at an angle where you can barely see any of his costume and part of him is off the page, its like he wants to get away from this book. And it doesn't even look like he's fighting Ghost Rider it looks like he's doing parkour off him. And how the fuck is he holding that web line?

And look at Ghost Rider, again he doesn't look like him and Spider-man are in a fight, all he's doing is stretching his hand out and it looks like he's screaming. It's like he's trying to stop you from buying this shitty book by screaming 'NOOOOOOOO!' in an overly dramatic way. Oh why oh why didn't I listen to you Ghost Rider? Oh that's right, because I make it a habit not to listen to people with nicknames as fucking stupid as Zero.

The interior art is for the most part much better. It's done by Kyle Hotz who has a wonderfully creepy style which fits perfectly for a character like this. Hotz also did the two Carnage one shots from the 90's as well as the Spider-man: The Osborn Journal one shot which are all great reads. I must admit though he doesn't do Spider-man 2099 justice in this. He always looks way too bulky here. The story is that 'Zero' needs to steal something out of Migeul O'Hara AKA Spider-man's lab to cure his girlfriend of some disease she has. This ends up in a fight between Ghost Rider and Spider-man and Ghost Rider gets away. Nothing special. But what's really cringe worthy is the dialogue. Remember how I said parts of Spider-man 2099 seem dated? Well this takes those parts and fucking runs with them. The cyberpunk slang is nauseating. Like he says if he doesn't get this medicine back to his girlfriend 'she's deadware'. Get it? Its like dead but with a ware afterwards like software or hardware. See because this is the future. Well in case you didn't get it he goes on to call people he doesn't like (which is most people because he's so tough and tortured and brooding and other bullshit) 'bithead'. Get it? Did I mention this is the future?

Fuck me. Here it is pretty simply, if your interested in 2099, maybe the recent Spider-man games got you into it, read Spider-man 2099, and you might want to read the first few issues of Doom 2099 as well. But steer clear of anything else with 2099. Unless your just a stupid fucking bithead.

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