Monday, June 25, 2012

Retro Review: Superman #405


Superman #405, The Mystery of the Super-Batman. Somebody was high. Seriously, I don't know whether it was the writer or editor but somebody was fucking high.

Alright so the story here is that Lana Lang and Clark Kent are at a museum and one of the exhibits is a magical pan flute that Lana picks up and plays that gives Clark a terrible headache and when he goes to the his hotel room to collect himself he sees he's grown horns. Don't most museums frown on people touching the exhibits, let alone putting their mouths on them? Anyway Clark flies to his Fortress of Solitude to sort this out. Eventually he has to leave the Fortress and go do Superman stuff, but he doesn't want everyone to see his horns, he'll look fucking ridiculous. So he goes into the Batman exhibit in his fortress (can you say creepy man crush?) and decides he should go out looking like this:

Because after all, he doesn't want to look fucking stupid. Why? No seriously, why Kent? How is this better? Why not just dress like Batman? Why this? Oh and if you only need the cape and cowl to hide your horns why also put on the gloves? Eventually a police man gives voice to the readers confusion

Cop: Thanks, er.....S-Superman?
Superman's thought bubble: He's confused, but at least he can't see the horns I've grown on my head!

Yes, far better he think you've lost your fucking mind than see you with horns Clark. Eventually Superman finds the pan flute, which has now somehow ended up in the hands of a group of criminals, he plays it and reverses the spell. And for the first time ever, Batman was actually creeped the fuck out.

I know it's the DC universe and it's full of all sorts of crazy shit. In a world with super heroes, wizards, vampires, cyborgs, robots, aliens, Greek gods, and all sorts of other crazy bullshit running around a magic pan flute that makes people grow horns doesn't seem very far fetched. I bet you could go to any garage sale in the DCU and find something like that. But nothing Superman does in response to this dilemma makes any fucking sense.

All this issue did was confirm that Clark is secretly in love with Bruce.

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