Sunday, June 24, 2012

The top 10 Nazi Super Villains

Nazis are fucking cool. Hmmm maybe I should rephrase that. They make awesome super villains. Why is that though? Its not as if Hitler and the Nazis were the only evil people in history. Its probably because Nazi's were the perfect mix of evil and crazy. Hell bent on making a brave new world no matter what the cost, Nazi's actually sought out super weapons both of far fetched science and ancient mystical legends. They actually were searching for the holy grail, they actually had people trying to make a weather machine. Time travel, contacting aliens, summoning Thor, that was all bullshit Nazis had people working on. I often wondered if some of these people weren't true believers but just scamming the Nazis for money. Think about it, if you could convince some high ranking Nazi that there was a monkey god statue in the amazon that gave its owner monkey god powers they just might give you a wheel barrel full of Nazi gold to go find it. Enough to spend the rest of your life on a beach in Brazil, occasionally writing letters about how some asshole archaeologist in a fedora keeps thwarting you progress, then asking them to please send more gold. Nazis were real life crazy ass super villains. Combine that with the fact that the super hero genre came into being around World War II and it's only natural that comic book creators would create shit loads of Nazi super villains. Here are my top 10. This is a not a definitive top 10 of the most important or whatever, just the 10 I like the most. Don't like it make your own damn list.

10) The JLAxis. This is the Justice League on an alternate earth (Earth-10 to be exact) where the Nazi party rules the world. There really isn't much here. Basically they just appeared a little bit in the train wreck of a series Countdown and like most of the interesting plot lines in that series they were almost immediately forgotten about. Also I don't like Nazi-Superman's character design. The Swastika is off center in his chest embalm. Why? Is that suppose to symbolize something because it's just visually off putting to me. But its still a mother fucking Nazi JLA so that alone earns them a spot on this list.

9) Baron Zemo. Some of you might be wondering why I put him so low on the list. Well I've just never gotten into him as a character, granted he founded the Masters of Evil (was that the first or second one I forget) but he just always seemed like a pussy version of Red Skull to me. But it's not every man who can look threatening in pink, so that keeps Zemo on the list.

8) Captain Nazi. I freely admit I just think he look cool. He was created as a sort of Nazi-super soldier. He was in suspended animation and awoke in the modern era. Captain Nazi would make a great second in command to a Red Skull type guy. Unfortunately unlike Marvel, DC doesn't have much if any Nazi take over the world types, so Captain Nazi doesn'y really have anyone to follow. He mostly just shows up in groups of villains to fight the JSA.

7) Master Man is basically like DC's Captain Nazi, except Master Man actually has a Nazi master mind to follow, Red Skull. Master Man has a simple but evocative costume, standard Superman like powers (super strength and flight) and the current Master Man was pretty much just Red Skulls enforcer. Again its not the most original thing, but there is something undeniably cool about the idea of a Nazi Superman.

6) U-Man, the Nazi from Atlantis. Why would someone who not only isn't a member of the Aryan race, but isn't even human ally himself with the Nazis? Because Namor used to pick on him as a kid. Hmmm, kinda lame. But still he's a fucking Nazi fish man, that's pretty damn cool.

5) Baron Blood. A Nazi Vampire. If vampires are cool (or at least they were before Twilight) then a Nazi vampire, well that's just bad ass. Actually this character is no where nearly as cool as he should have been. And later characters to use the name have been even worse. But still he's a fucking NAZI VAMPIRE!

4) Warrior Woman. If Master Man is supposed to be the Nazi Superman character then this is clearly like a Nazi Wonder Woman. She's basically a super strong Nazi dominatrix. But really, what more do you need in a character.

3) Swarm. After the war Nazi scientist Fritz von Meyer fled to South America where he was doing some experiments on bees. Next thing you know a mutated swarm of bees ate him and absorbed his consciousness. He became the hive mind of this swarm of bees and took the form of a humanoid swarm of bees which for some reason always carries Meyer's skeleton around with it. I don't know if it needed to but for whatever reason it usually has the skeleton with it. Did I mention this guy is  made of bees? Think about how most people get freaked out if there's like one bee in their house. This guy is fucking made of bees. If you don't know why that's bad ass, then I don't think I can explain it to you.

2) Armin Zola. A Nazi scientist who put his mind into a robot body that has a video screen image of a face on his chest and a web cam he got from Radio Shack for a head. He did this to himself. On purpose. That my friends is a special kind of fucking crazy. Also he likes to make ridiculous genetically modified monsters such as Doughboy, and also accidentally created the super hero Jolt.

1) Red Skull. Was there ever a doubt. Seriously I'm not even going to explain this choice, I don't feel like an explanation is needed. He's the mother fucking Red Skull. Nuff said.

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