Tuesday, June 12, 2012

What's wrong with you Nintendo?

I'm not what you would call a 'gamer'. I don't camp out at Game Stop waiting for the latest Call of Duty or whatever, I can't play video games for more then an hour at a time before getting bored with it, and if I had a choice between an N64 and a PS3 I'd probably take the N64. I mean sure I play video games, I have a 360, a Wii, and even a Sega Genesis and a Super Nintendo. I have a real love for the games I grew up on. I get more excited over a new Mario game than Rockstar's latest Shoot Hookers in the face game. (Although I do like those games as well, remember people it's OK to kill hookers, most of them are already dead inside.)

That's why I was shocked to learn from my gamer buddies that Nintento was a sinking ship of a company and has been for a couple of years. I mean how the fuck to you own all of the above characters and more and you can't make money? That's like not being able to run a whore house in a gold rush.

So my friend and I came up with a few simple steps Nintendo could do to get turned around. Here they are in order of least to most important. You're welcome Nintendo.

#3. Make a Mario vs Sonic game with Sega. And no I'm not talking about that stupid Olympics bullshit. A game with a decent fun side scrolling adventure on par with Super Mario Wii or Sonic 4 and maybe a nice fighting game side mode. Guarantee you its that year's hot Christmas present.

#2. Make cartoons again. More than just Pokemon. Nintendo had a lot of success with its Zelda, Mario, and even Captain N toons back in the late 80's. Crank out more of that shit. Farm Mario out to the people who made Adventure Time. Farm Zelda out to the people that made the new Thundercats. Make a Metroid toon. Do it right and it will both make you shitloads of money in and of itself AND get more kids wanting to buy your games again.

And #1. Give it up on systems. This worked for Sega. Imagine a Zelda game made for the 360 or PS3. I really think in the long run you're better off this way Nintendo.

I hope they do something. I would hate to see a beloved part of my childhood wither and die.

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