Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I hate the Amish.


Holy fucking shit do I hate the Amish. I live near these smelly backwards fucking morons and they are annoying as shit. I like to call them Flathatters, number one because my grandfather used to call them that, God rest his cranky soul, and number two there isn't really a derogatory term for these fuckers. It kinda amazes me they don't their version of the N-word. I mean they are smelly, backwards, weird and annoying. If that's not a good enough reason to hate a group I don't know what is. The only thing worse then being stuck behind a fucking Amish buggy is being stuck behind a jackass tourist from New York who is behind an Amish buggy and won't fucking go around because he finds this so insanely fucking fascinating.

Now a lot of you, probably people who DON'T live near these weirdos, are saying "How can you hate the Amish? They're so gentle and nice and quaint. I know so because I have Witness on DVD." If being fucking backwards and dressing funny is 'quaint' you must also think the KKK is quaint. But you know what, I'm not going to explain what the fuck is wrong with their culture and beliefs, because if you can't see it I don't know how to explain it to you. So lets put aside the merits of thinking God hates flush toilets for a minute and just look at my main fucking beef with these idiots. The fucking buggies.

In order for me to have the privilege of operating my vehicle on the public roads I must get it inspected for safety and emissions, prove to a government employee I am capable of safely operating it, and registering the vehicle with my state government. I must do all this at expense to me. Also I pay gas taxes to maintain the roads I use. An Amish mother fucker buys a fucking orange triangle at the hardware store. There is no licence needed to operate these things, I see kids that look like they're 10 behind the reigns. They don't pay gas taxes that maintain the roads (for obvious reasons) yet their stupid backwards steel wheels fuck the roads up worse then any set of snow tires (which I might add are illegal except in the winter months). Oh and one more thing if my dog shits when I'm walking him I can get a fine for not cleaning it up but horse shit is fucking fine? And can you really look me in the eyes and say with modern traffic levels a fucking buggy isn't hazardous and an accident waiting to happen?

Now look, politically I am as live and let live as you will ever get this side of an anarchist. If you want to dress like a moron, avoid technology, and shun personal hygiene all in an attempt to impress a God who is probably laughing at your dumb ass you be my fucking guest. But the public roads, that's a different thing. The public roads are inescapably communal. You want to be an idiot in your own house go a head, but the fucking roads need to be for cars. If the Amish had to pay taxes that went to the roads, had to be licenced to operate their buggies, get them inspected and put a licence plate on the back then maybe it would be different. It would still be an idiotic hazard, but at least it would be fair. No, you know what I changed my mind. This is the year 2012 we should have flying cars by now not buggies. Get that stupid shit off the road.

Fucking Flathatters.

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