Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Retro Review: Sonic X #1


With the Sonic/Mega Man crossover coming from Archie comics next year I thought it might be worth taking a look back at Sonic's other comic. In any media, from movies to TV to comic books there are things that are "Family" or "All Ages" and then there are things that are for kids. What's the difference? Well, think something like Spy Kids vs, say, a Pixar movie. The latter is cute, charming, and can be enjoyed by people of all ages. The former you would pretty much have to be 10 or under or high as a kite to enjoy.

Archie's Sonic the Hedgehog comic book series, as well as SATAM Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon are in the "Family" category. The Sonic X comic book, as well as the show it's based on is well in the fucking stupid "Spy Kids" category.

The story in Sonic X is Sonic, Tails, Eggman, and all the rest of the characters from the Sonic games get accidentally transported from their home dimensions of talking animals and crazy robot building assholes to Earth where Sonic lives with a young boy named Chris. Now before any of you anime nerds get all butthurt and send me emails about how "the Japanese version is way better then the American versions, in the Japanese versions there's swearing and violence and sex and shit" Yeah, that's all well and good, but just adding curse words and sex jokes doesn't make it smarter. This is a fucking stupid show. The stories make no sense, the characters are one dimensional and the whole thing is fucking dumb. Granted it wasn't as dumb as The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon, but the less said about that the better.

Well, let's get this over with. Our story starts with Sonic racing a guy in a race car. Sonic manages to win, although just barely and the race car driver is fucking pissed.

I don't understand why you're so mad. I don't think your gonna lose your trophies because a humanoid extra-dimensional hedgehog is faster then your car. You don't see this in Flash comics, a race car driver who's like "Fuck you freak!" I mean there are things other than Sonic that are faster than race cars. Does this guy also hate airplanes?

Anyways we cut to Eggman who wants to build more robots to take over this new world. His robot assistants explain to him this will cost money. They also explain that money can be found in banks. Apparently banks and money don't exist where Sonic and Eggman come from. So Eggman goes to rob a bank and Sonic and Tails happen to be there and they stop him but Eggman gets away.

And that's pretty much it. This comic is vapid, nonsensical, and the characters in it are all 2 dimensional morons. So it's actually a pretty good adaptation of the Sonic X show. If you liked that show you will like this book. Although if you liked that show you I doubt you can read because your probably either 5 years old or a retard.

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