Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Bechtloff Movie Night: Jason X (2001)

With my favorite holiday, Halloween, coming up I thought it would be worth taking a look at some horror movies in the next couple weeks. Today I want to talk about what I consider to be one of the most underrated horror/slasher movies out there, Jason X.

A lot of people shit on this movie. People call it stupid and silly and goofy, but I wonder, have those people seen ANY of the Jason movies. I mean its an undead super strong hick in a hockey mask, we're already in the ridiculous territory. So what's wrong with Jason in space? I say nothing.

Anyways the story here is the government has Jason prisoner and wants to study him to unlock the source of his immortality. The one scientist, Rowan, knows that's a bad idea. Inevitably Jason escapes and Rowan leads him to the cryogenic freezing pod but she gets frozen too.

Cut to the year 2455 and earth is uninhabitable. Most people live on another planet that has been colonized, an earth 2 if you will. There is a ship on an archaeological search. The ship has a professor, his students, a hot female android, and a security detail. They bring Jason and the scientist on board and you can guess what happens next. Jason goes on a rampage, the survivors make it to an escape pod, and the ship is blown up and Jason goes through re-entry on earth 2, burning up to just his mask, which of course lands in a lake near a camp.

This movie is full of just fun shit. When Jason awakes he kills the girl that was going to do an autopsy on him by shoving her face in the cryogenic fluid so half her head freezes then smashing it on the counter. Damn.

Jason goes around killing people, until one of the students upgrades the android on board to killer dominatrix and she blows Jason to bits.

Unfortunately Jason lands on the table with the healing medical nanites and they repair him and turn him to super Jason.

I will give the haters of this movie one thing, super Jason, or Jason X is kinda a let down. When you first see him your like "Oh man shit just got real, Jason's cranking the dial up to 11 now." But he pretty much just does regular Jason stuff. He doesn't seem to be faster, stronger, or anything. Just Jason with a different look.

All and all this is a fun movie. No, it was never going to win a fucking Oscar, but what Jason movie was? It's a fun slasher action movie and it has a fucking robot dominatrix with guns. What more could you want?

And while we're on the subject of Jason, I want to talk about a theory on Jason's powers I developed while watching this movie. I think Jason not only has the power to regenerate but also has a slight probability altering power. A sort of Jason luck. Not something he consciously controls but still things just sorta go his way. In this movie when they find Jason he falls down and his machete cuts off a kids arm. The medical nanites fix him but still think about it, even unconscious Jason hurts somebody. Plus he just happened to land on the table with the nanites when robo-dominatrix blew him away. Think about how many times things just sorta line up for Jason in past movies. I can think of a few times where he threw a weapon and he always hits somebody. I swear Jason could throw a fucking spork and kill someone from 20 yards away. Why should an undead half retarded hick have aim like fucking Hawkeye? Jason luck. Go back and watch other movies and see how many times Jason luck prevails.

Next we're gonna take a look at Jennifer's Body. Happy Halloween.

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