Saturday, March 30, 2013

Bechtloff Movie Night:G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)

Let's flashback for a moment. Back to 2009. There I sat in the theater with my friends desperately hoping that G.I.Joe: Rise of Cobra wouldn't suck. That hope was dashed. No, dashed isn't the right word, it's more like that hope was brutally beaten to death and then the corpse of that hope was sodomized by Marlon Wayans.

So now that we, amazingly enough, got a sequel/soft reboot to that 2009 coat hanger abortion, do we now have a decent and proper G.I. Joe movie? Well yes. Not a perfect one, not even a great one, but a pretty damn good one. More than good enough to wash the taste of Rise of Cobra out of your mouth that's for sure.

I don't want to spoil too much plot, but basically Zartan the master of disguise, has replaced the president. He frames the Joes for war crimes and kills all but four of them. And from there we get a pretty classic G.I.Joe story, complete with a bad ass looking Cobra Commander, a system of Cobra satellites capable of raining down some serious fucking death (one of which wipes London off the fucking map. I mean g-o-n-e gone.) and of course gratuitous ninja sub plots in the shape of Storm Shadow and Snake Eye's never ending pissing contest.

Woe, however, to anyone who went to see this thinking it was a Channing Tatum movie. He is killed, along with several other Joes, very early in this movie. I could practically feel the disappointment in the air coming from some of the ladies in the audience who went to see this largely for him. This is very much the Rock's movie. But I think that's great, we really haven't gotten enough good action movies and far too much dog crap like Tooth Fairy from him. Also, because the Joes numbers are whittled down so far, there's a good chance your favorite Joe (except Snake Eyes) isn't in this. I for one was none too happy with the lack of Scarlet, but then I've always been partial to redheads.

This movie certainly had it's flaws, chief among them for me being, and I can't emphasize this enough, a complete lack of Scarlet. But it's pretty damn good and certainly worth checking out. I saw it in 3D, and while there were a few scenes that made very good use of it, I wouldn't blame you if you just went 2D on this. Either way if you're a G.I.Joe fan you should check out this movie. And did I mention no Marlon Wayans?

1 comment:

  1. I for one wasn't one of those lady's in the audience that was disappointed when Channing Tatum wasn't on the screen long. ( As SOME guys think every girl goes gaga over him. For me eh whatever) I went to see the movie man! >:D COBRA!!!!