Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Bechtloff's Book of Genesis: Pac Man 2.

I have stared into the the abyss, into the face of pure unadulterated evil, and it is Pac Man 2: The New Adventures.

Part of me really wants to end the review right there with that one sentence. But I suppose you might want me to explain it. Well, remember when I called Sonic Spinball "butt fuckingly frustrating"? Well, I think I owe the makers of Sonic Spinball an apology, because this 16 bit coat hanger abortion is the epitome of frustration.

In this game you don't play as Pac Man, so much as you and him annoy the piss out of each other. You are some sort of interactive narrator, like God if all he ever did was shoot things at people with a slingshot. You try desperately to get Pac Man to not walk face first into any and every danger along his path, almost always in vain. 

Who in the hell thought this was a good idea? "Hey I got an idea for a game, what if instead of playing as a character, you had to beg, bribe and threaten a character to get him to do what you want, and most of the time he would just do what ever the fuck he wanted, which would usually be getting himself killed." Apparently Namco was so impressed with the idea they decided to stick their flagship character in it.

This is seriously the kinda game where I hope somebody got fired. I mean fucking shitcanned. I hope the guy in charge of this project got called into Mr. Namco's office where he was screamed at for 10 minutes before being told to clean out his desk.

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