Sunday, September 1, 2013

How about some adult swim time?

When I was a kid the neighborhood pool would do adult swim. No I'm not talking about Aqua Teen and Family Guy reruns, I mean 10 minutes at the start of every hour where all the kids under 15 had to get out of the pool. Naturally I used to hate that as a kid but now I see the beautiful wisdom in it.

Wouldn't it be great if more places would adopt similar policies? Imagine if restaurants had set times of set days where no one could bring their little brats. You could enjoy a nice quiet dinner with friends or even a lovely date without someone's ill behaved little monster screaming in your ear. And I think movie theaters absolutely must adopt a "No Child under 3" policy. I'm sorry, but if you bring a baby to the movies, you're a selfish asshole. Period. Don't give me that "I couldn't get a sitter" bullshit. People paid to hear the movie not your baby cry. Get a damn Netflix subscription.

The reality is it's not really the kids that are the real problem, it's the parents. First of all  they often don't discipline the kid so it runs wild, and second of all they're so damn self absorbed they think the world revolves around the fact that they managed to breed. I was at a Pizza Hut once and the bathroom was under renovation so it didn't have a changing table. So this white trash cow changed her baby's shitty diaper at the table. Even an animal knows not to shit where it eats. You couldn't take it outside? If there was any sense left in this culture the manager would have told her to leave and never return.

So since we have so many selfish asshole parents who have spawned out of control undisciplined monsters, let's have some time and places they can't be. So I propose 8-11 PM Friday and Saturday nights in basically any restaurant that has waiters/waitresses and at the movies no kids allowed all day Tuesday. How's that sound?


  1. As a father of 3, there's not a lot here I can disagree with.

    I remember being at a 10:00 PM showing of...that M. Night Shamalan movie with the blind girl in the Amish village. And in comes a family with MORE THAN ONE under-6-year-old. Seriously?!?!? The kids ended up not being a problem, but how could they possibly come out of that movie without sanity-endangering nightmares?

    And the folks who wander around Wal-Mart after 10 pm with their little ones in tow. I know Wal-Mart isn't exactly the kind of getaway your talking about here, but it's back to the "get your act together, parents" thing. Make your first priority raising normal, well adjusted kids who understand that their behavior and choices affect other people. And that that matters!

  2. Funny you should mention Wal Mart, a few months ago I was at a Wal Mart very late with a friend of mine, like 1AM. We were in the DVD isle and as we were talking I let lose with a few swear words, as I'm known to do. That's when he akwardly pointed out there was a very little kid behind me who had heard it. I felt bad for a moment until it dawned on me "Wait, why in the hell is there an unattended small child here at 1 in the morning?"